Let's balance out your feelings with some facts.
FACT: A person’s initial level of self-esteem prior to the relationship predicts the success of the relationship. (PsychCentral)
FACT: Most couples fight over the same five things: money, sex, work, parenting and housework. Arguing isn't the issue, it's how you reconnect that brings you closer. (Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott)
FACT: If you wait until you're over 30 to get married, you're 70% LESS LIKELY to get divorced. (2014 University of Pennsylvania study)
FACT: If you get excited for your partner's good news, you'll have a better relationship. Multiple studies, couples that actively celebrated good news (rather than actively or passively dismissed it) have had a higher rate of relationship well-being. (Neil Clark Warren)
FACT: Being happy with yourself is the top answer when asked what makes relationships and marriage work better. (APA Psychnet)
FACT: Unspoken dissatisfaction leads to contempt, which is the leading cause of disconnection, breakups, and divorce. (The Gottman Institute)
All of these facts have a few central themes:
- Being happy with you is critical to relationship success.
- Don't bring so much past baggage into new relationships.
- Know yourself before entering into marriage.
- Treat your partner with value.
- Don't allow challenges or your past negative experiences to keep you from experiencing love.
But how does this balance with FEELINGS of disconnection, breakups, liars, cheaters, and being perpetually in the wrong relationships?
The reality: Both your feelings and the facts are true.
It's real that some smart, successful people do struggle in love, but most usually end up finding their way.
It's accurate that some couples disconnect, but those who maintain interest in each other and themselves are happy and connected.
You are justified in your feelings that love has brought you more pain than happiness.
It's true that some people just want to hookup, but quality people are out there.
You are right that it’s better to be single than in an unhappy relationship.
You’re correct that there are many people out there who are too selfish, arrogant, damaged, emotionally vacant to be great partners.
This is the relationship gray area — the place where facts and feelings collide to form The Truth.
And The Truth is this: good or bad relationships are not an ALWAYS situation.
Both feelings and facts exist simultaneously. Neither are more right that the other.
However, you are not correct that your love life is hopeless.
A great relationship is within your reach. Think I'm kidding? Keep reading...