What inspired you to write The Problem with Women… is Men®?
My unique life experience has enabled The Problem with Women… is Men to virtually pour out of me. Yes, I do come from the shadier, braggart-ridden side of life, and if you had met me 17 years ago, I suppose you might have seen me every Tuesday night in a circle of men, stale coffee in my hand, saying something 12-step-ish like “Hi. My name is Charles, and I’m a playboy.” However, I let that part of my personality fall to the wayside upon my own personal evolution. It is through my past experiences and present reflection that I have been able to realize that men—in all their remote-clicking, control-hoarding, unkempt-hair wearing glory—need to rise Phoenix-like from their passive-aggressive, mixed message-sending ashes to answer the call of the woman in their lives. The focus groups I have held (with both women and men) have proven that the issues I have written about (and the manner in which they are presented) resonate with women of all colors, shapes, sizes, salary levels and professions. Through this book, I hope to explain the evolutionary path I have taken in my continuing journey to better myself, and my outlook on life. A journey that rejects long-held tenets of male behavior; my ever-present pursuit of living comfortably in my own skin. It is the same path I have found my true brethren on. A path of principles and character; clearly going against the grain of society, but critical for men to enlighten themselves, raise their consciousness to a higher plane.
What was your goal in writing The Problem with Women… is Men?
I wrote this book in the hopes of achieving two goals: 1) To help men Evolve to a better place; and 2) To assist women in identifying where they are going wrong in their relationships, and help them improve their romantic relationships and face their own issues regarding self-empowerment. Asking men to alter their state of being is part of the “cure” for the disease of failing relationships, but the symptoms must also be addressed. Many men get away with murder with the women in their lives. As a general statement, they do pretty much what they want, say what they want, and keep the women in their lives down (intentionally or unintentionally). And why? Part of the fault lies with women who allow these men to misbehave in their relationships, but there’s much more to this problem.
Men controlling/manipulating women is accepted by society, and is in many ways encouraged. A large percentage of women have a compulsive need to fix, change and/or save the men who are in their lives. In contrast, many men have an overwhelming need to cheat, ignore, lie (by omission or by telling half-truths), and to take women for granted—the very women who are their life partners, women they’ve promised to honor and cherish. And how does this behavior affect women? They complain, criticize, bitch, and protest. But more often than not, these same women do not follow through, and men know it. Women deserve much more, and can avoid these damaging relationship issues by demanding more, and sticking to their guns. Through my book, I hope to not only provide women desperately-needed insights into the world of men—from a man’s perspective—but also some solutions to improve the quality of their relationships, as well as their own lives.
What makes The Problem with Women… is Men different from other books about
relationships and marriage?
My interviews were conducted in very casual environments. No double-blind studies with prepared participants. These frank, impromptu discussions—coupled with my past as a now-reformed “bad boy”—have provided the background and data for this unique offering.
There are a number of popular TV shows, websites, newsletters, and self-help books that attempt to discuss what men are all about, and purport to help women understand men better. When I reviewed a number of these marketing-infused offerings, I found they share striking similarities:
- Women write the majority of these self-help tomes, so a man’s perspective on his thoughts and actions is conspicuously missing. In my opinion (and with no disrespect intended toward those female writers), it doesn’t matter how a woman analyzes and assesses men’s societal ills, or how many focus groups she holds; she is still not a man… and she never will be. She is attempting to interpret men; her data-driven research is internalized and offered solely from a woman’s point of view, and thus incomplete. There is no choice but for her views to be skewed, because they’re based on the following societal program: Women are responsible for the problems in relationships, and must fix them.
- Most books of this genre tend to be written from one of two perspectives: “Here are a number of cute anecdotes about what men really mean when they don’t respond to your telephone messages, or don’t call for two weeks after you go on a date with them.” or “A man who calls his mother on a daily basis clearly has Freudian issues concerning separation, codependency, and an over-developed desire to please…” blah, blah, blah…
- The majority of these self-help books are women’s survival guides, and focus on their own self-improvement. In other words, how a woman can change herself in order to survive in a relationship with a man and his unresolved issues.
The basic premise of these books is extremely alarming. Women should not be forced to accept—and learn to cope with—men’s bad behaviors. And the sad truth? These behaviors are merely symptoms of the underlying problems: 1) Men’s lack of understanding and introspection concerning their actions (or inaction), and 2) women laboring under the damaging misconceptions of their childhood programming/brainwashing regarding what being a woman is all about; and as a consequence, giving permission for these relationship-damaging behaviors, and oftentimes even condoning them.
You write and speak about an “Evolved Man”? What
An Evolved Man doesn’t fit a mold. He might be married, single, gay, straight, black, white (or a shade in between), but he is not society’s version of a man. Obviously, Evolved Men are male—their physical characteristics determined at the moment of conception. But it’s crystal-clear that they have a certain spark that is best described as an amalgam of their feminine and masculine traits. The fact of the matter is that a real man, an Evolved Man is a man of made up of many things: feelings, caring, commitment, energy, style… and has a strong passion for life. To call him a mere “man” (in the light of society’s definition) discounts and devalues the Evolved Man he has become.
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