Ask Charles: Straight-up Relationship Advice

Dear Charles:

I recently met a man when I was out at a nightclub. We kissed and he took my number. He texted me the next morning and we have been talking everyday since, including going on a lunch date the other day (we split the bill). He told me he wants to meet up  again and seems genuinely interested in me. The only problem is he takes quite a while sometimes to reply to my texts... it's hours. I have came across so many players in my time and I am afraid he is one of them too. I really like him and think that we have chemistry. Is there any way of knowing he is a player and that he truly likes me?...the only reason I say this is because he takes long to reply to my messages. Would this be a sign?



Dear C:

Infatuation is dangerous... especially when those feelings are strong. And that intensifies when you are really feelin' it... and he drops back, as it provides a challenge for you to try and "get him to like/love you." My advice: Pay attention to those red flags and your silent thoughts about him. People reveal themselves slowly, over time... so let his true intentions — and the potential for the relationship — reveal itself, as well.



Dear Charles:

I was hoping for some advice on what to do about my controlling boyfriend who I think had narcisistic tendencies. I only got together with him late last year and it was less than three months before he begun checking up on me, demanding my time, attempting to isolate me from friends etc. Apart from this side of him, I had never met anyone in my life that I felt so comfortable with and got along so well with. I left him a few days ago after 5 months and a few last chances at him changing his ways. I just wanted to ask how often people like this are able to change, or when they promise they will change is this just another lie or manipulation and they know deep down they can't? I really want to get back with him because I love him but I'm scared of him heading down the same path again.


Hi J:

Whoa! Need to put a couple of your statements back in front of you.

  1. " controlling boyfriend who I think has narcisistic tendencies."
  2. "...I had never met anyone in my life that I felt so comfortable with and got along so well with."

Okay... these statements DO. NOT. MATCH. UP. And... "Apart from this side of him..." Ummm... WHAT? :/  Forgive me, but that's kinda like saying, "Aside from his murderous tendencies, Charles Manson is a great babysitter." HELL no...

My advice: Don't walk away from him; RUN. And get into why you feel this is the kind of relationship you deserve. Will he change? Maybe... but not because of you. People change because they *choose* to change... and for any other reason (or person).


Dear Charles:

I'm going out my mind. I really could do with some advice other than my own at the moment. I found messages on my boyfriends Facebook that he tried to delete but he archived them. The messages were to his friend who he works in the army, with my boyfriend was bragging that he had slept with this 18 year old girl that worked in his gym with him. I confronted him angrily, asking "Who is she?" and "Why did you do this to me?" He said sent them to make him look good to his friend (who doesn't even know the 18 year old girl), so I didn't understand what and why he would brag about that for and do that to me, especially considering: 1) I'm  pregnant. 2) The day before he slept with her I was in hospital with an infection. He denies it all and says he could of but all that was in his head was me.

I love him still... but why? Is it because I'm pregnant with his baby?


Hi M:

I'm so sorry for your experiences. Here's the Harsh Truth: No man would think it makes him look good to a friend to pretend to cheat on his pregnant wife/girlfriend. To do that (in my opinion) makes you a douchebag with no honor. (And, based on your description of the evidence you found, my gut is that he wasn't pretending.) You can stay and hope it doesn't happen again. However, staying for a child isn't the right thing to do. Alternatively, you can leave and keep your dignity.

The Harsh Truth: For me, the questions you should be asking yourself aren't "Why did he do this?" or "Why do I still love him?" The real questions should be "Am I going to stay with someone who obviously has no respect for me?" "Is this the treatment I feel I deserve?" and "What will this relationship show my child about love, respect, and relationships in the future?"

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