Many couples start strong in the romance department—frequent sex, spontaneity, and candlelight. Then, things shift; maybe they have a child, someone's career starts moving, or priorities reshuffle. Their relationship enters a place of "comfort" and "complacency"—two killers of a romantic connection. Sex becomes less frequent, no one shaves on the weekend, and a silent separation starts without him or her even knowing it. They are in the doldrums of love.
Enter a $100-or-less cure for the blahs: Lingerie.
I know, I know. I'm a guy. What guy doesn't love his girl strutting around wearing a half-lace, half-see-through something-or-other? If I denied this, then I'd be a liar; however, it's not all about men. In truth, lingerie is one of the most inexpensive and often overlooked ways of rekindling romance in the bedroom, for both men and women. She feels feminine, desirable and wanted, and he is visually seduced. Whether it's bras, G-strings, teddies, baby dolls, negligees, corsets, bustiers, and cosplay/role-play clothing, lingerie takes on many meanings. From sexy, to risqué, to kinky, it's completely based on the wants or needs of the couple.
For men, the reasons range from primal to romantic. For some, feeling like she did something special for him is flattering, and lingerie offers him a glimpse (a teasing glimpse) of the woman he loves as only he sees her. With all that daily life brings us, it is challenging to keep that sense of newness and romance. Something sexy is a welcome addition to the bedroom.
And this is the part where some women start getting negative.
Are you plus-sized? Think you're too thin? Have stretch marks? Think you're guy isn't into it? All that doubt is all about you. A guy who loves his girl doesn't see all the flaws you see... he just wants you, with all your perceived imperfections.
Are you a single woman and think lingerie is only for someone in a relationship? Ummm... no. It's not just men or couples who get a positive charge out of lingerie.
FACT: Women are women first, and wives, mothers, or girlfriends second. Most (if not all) women want to be viewed and appreciated for their femininity as women—and they want it front-and-center, not as an afterthought. According to the 500+ women I've surveyed, many women wear something intimate and sensual under their everyday clothes to feel sexy throughout the day. And they stated that doing so not only gives them more confidence, but they feel more empowered. Wearing something sensual and revealing for an evening between the sheets adds to anticipation, and eliminates humdrum feelings of work, kids, house, and finances.
Making lingerie work for you:
- For couples: Make sure your tastes match. If someone comes home with a gift you're not into, you might need to guide things a little bit. (Example: Erotic is using a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.) My suggestion: Go shopping for lingerie together. If you both end up in the dressing room—trying things on and taking them off—beware of salespeople and mall cops, as they won't be forgiving if you are found in flagrante delicto (don't ask how I know this).
- For the guys: Flowers are sweet, but they are temporary. Candy is great, but the calories are a killer. Instead, head over to your local Victoria's Secret. Ask for help if you need it. You'll thank me later.
- For the ladies: Head to the lingerie store and text your guy pictures from the dressing room. (Note: make sure he is trustworthy; revenge porn is not a joke.) Then, he'll get a sense of what you want, and you'll start up the anticipation for later that evening.
- For the single ladies: Don't lament that you don't have a guy. Go shopping. Get yourself something sexy and provocative. Just because you don't have someone to show it to currently doesn't mean you don't deserve lacy undergarments.