Step #3:
Choosing who goes with you.

Wait. What? CHOOSE who goes with you?

Damn right. 

If you've been thinking that love is random, it's not.

You have been making choices about your love life the entire time.

You have been in control.

You have made decisions.

Your love life is the result of everything you have chosen up to this point.

So, if you're love life isn't where you want it to be, it's the result of the choices you have made right up to this moment in time.


And that might suck to hear, but it's real.

You make choices about life and love every day.

And your choices are a combination of three things:

1. How you feel about you.

2. Where you are in your own self-growth.

3. How you allow others to affect your life.

If you re-read those three items, you will come to a surprising conclusion:

You are in control of ALL of those things.

You are in charge of how you feel about yourself.

You always have been, and you always will be.

You are on a path of growth and self-discovery. You can choose the speed and direction of your growth, but you WILL grow no matter what.

And you are completely in control of who you allow in your life.

You decide how they are allowed to treat you, and if they are permitted to stay, and if they have to leave.


And it all comes down to how you feel about yourself.


When you feel good about you, you surround yourself with other people who love you, support you, and treat you with kindness and gratitude

It happens for a number of reasons:

  • THEY feel good about themselves, so they want to be good to you.
  • YOU feel good about you, so you only allow a good, supportive person in close.
  • THEY recognize your worth, so they treat you with value.
  • YOU feel your worthiness, and would never allow someone to treat you without value.
  • THEY can see that you would never settle for second best.
  • YOU have healthy expectations of how others are allowed to treat you, and would never settle.

When you value and love you, you choose people who value and love you, also.

But maybe that hasn't been happening up to this point.

Maybe you've been in relationships that have been unfulfilling.

You felt unloved.

You had to chase them for attention.

You felt they sent you mixed messages.

You felt unimportant.

You don't feel like a priority.

You are unhappy.


But here's the thing:

Because you are now aware...

Because you are wanting to make better decisions for your life...

Because you are rediscovering who you are (Step #1)...

Because you are reflecting on where you are going (Step #2)...

Because you are in control...

You can choose a different way.


If you change how you see and feel about you, you will change lots of other things:

You will change the type of person to whom you are attracted.

You will make better choices in life and love.

You will stop settling for someone's second best efforts.

You will alter the dynamics of your friendships.

You will shift your partner selection process.

Your relationships will be fulfilling.

Your satisfaction in life will rise dramatically.

You will be in control of your happiness.

You will be in control of your love life.

So what should you be looking for?

As you evaluate potential partners, you have to evaluate a combination of how you feel (emotion) and what you think (logic).

You can't value one over the other.

Too much logic, and you don't feel love, connection, intimacy, adoration, and affection that you deserve. 

Too much emotion, and you don't pay attention to damaging behaviors, red flags, trust, and loyalty.

The place between feeling and thinking is where healthy love lives.

REMEMBER: You ALWAYS have a choice of who is in your life. 

If you are feeling forced (emotionally or physically)...

If you feel like you the only one making it work...

If you believe that they are checked-out...

If your alarm bells start going off about trust...

If their actions don't match their words...

If they are emotionally withdrawing...

If you are feeling like love is work...

If you are unhappy more than you are happy...

Then things aren't right.

Stop. Think. Feel. Evaluate.




Even with these steps, life and love are art forms, not science. Give yourself permission to experiment, make mistakes, learn, re-evaluate, and try again.