The most common reason people get played boils down to one thing: Need. Players lie in-wait and fill a specific need that their victim is looking for. And not just any need… a core need they want filled: sex, affection, security, attention, freedom, romance, etc.

Once that need begins being filled, the victim starts ignoring the glaring red flags of the player's other behavior. Either due to a lack of knowledge or calculated planning, the player begins dropping back and/or not fulfilling their victim's other wants/needs... but the initial core need is still being met. This is a dangerous death spiral for self-esteem, as the victim begins wondering why one need is being filled, but not the rest. The victim decides they "must not be worth it", but in an effort to feel a sense of self-worth, they continue putting up with worse and worse behavior... until the player leaves.

The end result: The victim feels worthless... like a failure, and wonders what they did wrong, and what they did to deserve being treated so poorly. Their self-esteem has taken multiple hits, and they need a boost. And oftentimes, another player begins filling that core need... and the cycle repeats.

The way through: What's needed is a realization that in any relationship, there is always a trade-off. There will be needs of yours that can be met, and others that your partner can't possibly meet...  because they either aren't aware, don't have the skills, or simply don't want to. Apart from met or unmet needs, if the relationship is based on them holding you at arm's length emotionally, physically, or spiritually, the trade-off is most often too unbalanced for any long-term success.  Better to cut things off sooner—rather than later— and seek your love wants/needs in a place (and with a person) with whom it can be met and/or appreciated.


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